Six Months of Marin
We’ve done it! We’ve taken our squirmy pink newborn, fed and watered her with love (and lots of milk) and slowly but surely she’s blossomed into a round faced, giggly, table banging 6 month old! There are so many times this past half year that I’ve wanted to document and chronicle all the trials and discoveries that come with being a first time parent, but ultimately fatigue got the best of me.
I’ll try to summarize:
The first two months: I felt like a bloated, sleep deprived zombie—tender in all the childbearing places, emotional and wide eyed to all the sounds Marin made— still a little traumatized by the goriness of bringing life into the world. Who would have guessed at least 2 dozen people have now seen me completely naked and bloody? I’ve never felt more vulnerable in my whole life, emotions were definitely high during this time. Because of this, I do not take for granted all the support and love I received from family and friends. They really helped pull me through. Cliffton has really been the most amazing partner and husband through this whole parenting adventure. I’ve learned some wonderful new things about him and about us as a couple. My mom has also been an amazing source of strength for me. She usually never shares intimate details of her early days as a mother, but as soon as I became a mom too, she’s really let her guard down and showed me everything she could on how best to care for little Marin.
Next two months: Months 3 and 4 had me returning back to work from maternity leave. This was difficult but to be honest, no tears were shed. I knew she was in good hands with Cliffton, who took off for his paternity leave. As much as I loved snuggling my precious little girl all day and night, I also loved getting out of the house, feeling accomplished, putting my thinking cap on and problem solving in my career. Those next two months of Cliffton’s paternity leave flew by as well. Cliffton spent a lot of time on some home and yard improvements, something he had been determined to do while on leave. All the while our little bird fattened up and started smiling back at us for the first time. Around this time, I feel like we really got into the grove of how to take care of our little one. I also successfully started feeling more like myself and chased the “baby blues” away. We also took Marin on 3 trips! We went to Asheville at the end of my maternity leave, our first road trip together, then we flew with her to New York for Cliffton’s cousin’s gorgeous wedding, and we took one last beach trip to Hilton Head at the end of Cliffton’s paternity leave. Each trip was a small victory in its own way.
Last two months: Months 5 and 6 were filled with our first holidays as a family of 4 (never forget Albear). We had our first Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. I will honestly never forget all of these “firsts” with Marin. Seeing her reaction to each new thing takes me back to when I was growing up as a kid. I really hope I can give her an amazing and magical childhood.
Down to the nitty gritty. How did Marin eat, and how did she sleep? What’s her temperament been like? Marin has luckily been a very healthy little girl. Eating for her was slightly challenging. She did NOT want to breastfeed. After 2 weeks of constantly trying, I was so worn out I took a step back and just continued to pump breastmilk and bottle feed her. It’s been extremely draining (literally and figuratively) and time consuming, but I was determined to give her the best that I could while I still can. I would still casually stick her on the boob, but I can probably count the number of times she latched, drank and didn’t freak out on one hand. I’ll always cherish those few times she did nurse directly. Those surprising tender moments were enough to keep me warm and snuggly with love for her. I know I could have persevered and maybe, just maybe she would have gotten the hang of it. But it just wasn’t worth my mental health.
In terms of sleeping, Marin started off sleeping 2.5-3 hours at a time as a newborn. It then went to about 4 hour time increments in the first month. Then it increased to 5-6 hours around 2 months. We started sleep training her around 4.5 months, and since then we usually get a good 8-10 hours of solid sleep for her. Just last night she slept from 8pm until 7am! The first night of sleep training was horrendous. It wasn’t even the guilt that plagued me, but moreso, it was the fear that she would do harm to herself while flailing around her crib. I also cannot sleep if I hear her crying. She cried nonstop for about 2 hours—totally gut wrenching. After that first sleep training night, she has really improved. She will still wake up in the middle of the night sometimes, but now she only cries for a couple minutes before quieting down and sleeping on.
Our Marin is really a sweet little cherub. It’s still to early for me to solidly form an opinion on what her personality is like, but my guess is that she takes after me. She seems resistant to change, and sensitive. But ready to laugh when she sees you smile, or sing a song. Above almost all things, she loves music. Recently, what really wins her over most is food. This month we started introducing her to solid foods, we are still on rice cereal and puree, but she’s instantly taken a liking to everything she has tried! She shows her approval by banging her palms on the table. She’s definitely shown less interest in her regular milk, which breaks my heart a little, but it also means I can cut myself a little bit of slack in the breastfeeding department.
I still can’t believe how far we’ve come and that it’s already been half a year. From the first few nights in the sterile hospital—staring at her cautiously, watching her chest rise and fall, yet also secretly terrified of what to do if she started crying—to now, cradling her soft warm body in my arms as she falls asleep—nothing has ever felt more natural to me than this. I love being Marin’s mother. My love for her is unconditional and boundless. Her existence has created a new me—Adeline the mother. And I feel whole. I keep on counting all of my blessings because I know I have been gifted with many. But, truthfully she is enough for me.
